Social Dynamics & Your Yearning to be Influential

Sometimes I wonder if being born a millennial has something to do with why I crave external validation, or is it a feeling that all human beings have had, across the generations? Whatever the case, I now know the two have been around for years. Here is why.Self-help books are mostly, if not all the time, very theoretical to the readers, based on real life events of strangers. It is up to us as the readers to take those theories and put them into practice.Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’ was first written in the thirties and has since been edited to be more relevant to current times, without taking away from the core values of the author’s musings. So, if you are a millennial or Gen Z reading this, don’t worry - your yearning to be influential is nothing new.I did not pick this book up myself, but was asked to read it as part of my development journey, and I am glad I did. The author advises that the book be read more than once, in order to fully grasp the concepts and principles presented. His reasoning is valid due to the fact that one may forget or misconstrue certain points raised, and not fully utilise the book to its full potential..The book is divided into three parts; each part highlights principles that Carnegie feels are what make us, as people, likeable and influential. The book is to be approached with an open mind, and what is taught in some of the chapters might be unexpected. One of the first principles in the journey of winning friends and being influential: do not criticise, condemn or complain. Wait, what? And before I could even get over the shock of that, I was hit with another principle that left me speechless: avoid arguments! Those were the most startling revelations, because life is not all roses and butterflies. Sometimes, the weather sucks, your boyfriend dumped you only to move on to someone else within seconds, your boss made you stay late at work to complete a task needed for client the next morning. You get the point? In my twenty-something years on this Earth, I have never met NOT ONE person who has not complained or wallowed in their sorrows; so yes, I was not sure exactly how this principle would work.Mark Manson, author of ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’, told us that mindless positivity was not practical, and now we are being told to not complain or argue no matter the reason/reasons. That did not deter me, because of the justifications used as to why we should not do the above..When complaining and/or condemning people or things, it puts the next party in a somewhat defensive mode; guard up and everything, arguments have the same effect. They reduce any opportunity to be understood and character-building. This, if you think about it, is the basis of being influential. If I were to break down each principle we would be here all day, so I would rather consolidate what I feel the principles seek to teach. Honesty, sincerity, kindness and respect. That is it. Whether it is in your personal or professional life, the centre of all our interactions should be based primarily on the aforementioned values. Carnegie justified this by bringing awareness to the fact that humans are emotional creatures, which need to be handled in a way that neither attacks nor undervalues them.Even if a person is wrong, and everybody knows it, never entertain the argument bug, the bug that will place an individual in a position to not give you their ear.Have I been practicing ALL the principles? That is a strong no. However, that will definitely change as I am willing to at least give it a shot. Why? Because, I would like to be liked and influential, both in my personal life and professionally. Imagine the places that it could take me. The way in which it could possibly change my life. As the popular question goes, “What do I have to lose?”

Social Dynamics & Your Yearning to be Influential

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